I have been thinking a lot about how I always return to my desire to work BIG.
I taped up several pieces of newsprint to quickly sketch a Big Figure, just as an illustration for this writing. Although it took me a couple of months to figure out just what I was going to say. I posted this on my Instagram near the end of September:
I added some color that same day, reminiscent of one of my early grad school pieces.
And since then I have been puzzling and writing in my journal and trying to figure out why I feel this compulsion to Work Big. When I always end up tearing them up. I declare them The Wrong Thing and rip them up. But then I want to work big again. Why all this back and forth?
I WANT TO BE SEEN.
It really is just that simple. I draw and paint the Female Figure because I want to be seen.
Growing up the Spare Kid, unexpected, and another girl, silenced, made to feel less-than, by family and society at large, made me feel Invisible. My Big Figures are my way of speaking up and speaking out.
They don't require explanation, justification, understanding, acceptance, or an historically annotated treatise on Feminist theory. In a world that hates women, doing them is enough.
I took her down after a few weeks.
So now she's in pieces, in a pile. She was more of an experience than a work of art to be hung on the wall.
And maybe that's what my art needs to be. Impermanent. The Big Figures aren't to save, frame, display, sell, ship or keep. I have been trying to wedge myself and my art into a tight little box that expects artwork to conform to accepted criteria.
My Big Figures may be something I need to express, and then move on. Documented, but not preserved.
Symon wants to know where she went:
Something to consider, right Symon?
These photos and some of the text were first posted on my Instagram @klowlisa